New Year New Post : Diary Page 2 of 365

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Hello January 2018... and Happy New Year, so firstly I'm just going to get straight to the point I'm actually in a good zen mood, considering I drank my way out of 2017. .Believe me, it was needed lol.

So this year! this year I’ve decided to become, well let me start from the beginning for you all. I woke up one morning about 3.47am (how precise ey) but the dream or was it more a vision, you know them ones where you actually don't know if you was sleeping in the first place (someone somewhere had so ish they wanted me to see a bit clearer I don't know) anyways I had died and everyone in this room was crying or down ( this could be through happiness or sadness ' Ey im no angel and I have definitely sinned)  but it looked like people couldn't say a lot about me not in a bad way, just in a way I  wanted and thought they did see me.  And all everyone seemed to say was how 'Cloak and dagger I was, how secretive I was about myself, reversed but still social, there but not there, How I never trusted anyone- A LOT! very closed and not open at all'... I basically seemed to have placed myself in a background from a magazine ad.. it looks pretty but the attention wasn't on me I had become the background of my WHOLE ENTIRE BEING like WTF. The real me was trapped and dying to get out of living in the depths of my past ( I over think situations A LOT) the real me is a very social butterfly - still a little quiet and outgoing. I had shut myself out to accommodate everyone else 'The People Pleaser' and guarded my feelings through watching others pain along with my own pain- like I'm 34yrs old, how long has this being going on for (answer to that question : since I was 18/21- shit you not its been that long) I was the person to blame for stunting my own Growth, Confidence, love and Career life, I literally just threw all trust out the window and lived in a cocoon of myself.

Anyways I could tap dance on until the floorboards disappeared. So what I'm trying to say is

2018 is the year I break from this straight jacket and become a little more open or clear.. WAIT! WAIT! WAIT! MATE let me take this one step at a time, I shall become a little sheer and more readable lol. The funny thing is I actually love people’s company as much as I love my own, I love chatting away, I adore my Family and Friends (new & old) regardless. I love raving and dancing, I love creating and drawing but most of all I love me, the free spirit my former self once was. I'm going to diary myself on here in-between fashion, lifestyle and parenting the shit out of life so by the beginning of 2019 I can see how far I have come. 

My Achievable List for January
* Be more SHEER (lol if you read the above you understand this)
*Stop people Pleasing - I'm no saviour I also have a life.
*Believe in ME a lot more.
*Get my MF Confidence back
*learn to Drive and Pass My test - that custom Range you made in 2000 will stay on your wishlist LITERALLY 

Monthly Goals
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Currently Reading - Ready Player One.

until next time..
Crazy Love, Endless Happiness and Love Life ... peace X

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