The Mini September Issue: Untold Job titles you gain when you have Children

Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Well first of all I read this Post over on 'What Would Karl Do'and laughed so hard 1 because it was very much relate-able and 2. It very much explains why planning is key with children.

' 1 child is bliss, 2 children is like 20 '

With the statement above you can probably map out where this is heading.

1. Name Change, now as soon as I found out I had fruit in my womb, someone, ANYONE could have told me how the sound of your own children saying 'mummy' or mum would instantly make you insane! Mummmmmmm-mee ee ee, mummy look what he's doing, mummy shaerbear took it, mummy he hit me, mum look look look (for the 50th millionth time), mummy tell her to stop, mummy tell him to stop.. All i can remember is when I wanted them to talk.. And now well now Its like an alarm clock in my head with thoughts of me thinking would it be safer if I just let them call me my name?! Aha - I've just retracted that statement as I wrote it.

2. The Chief, so for dinner we're having ... You serve it, their not interested in it because they wanted Weetabix- Weetabix is like breakfast, lunch and dinner oh & night service requests at 2/3am Yeah! You read right lol. So you slowly explain that it's not breakfast time its dinner time (and really again you want it again? Why your 3&4 look at all these different foods you can try) so you make something else, whilst also thinking maybe I should have just gave her Weetabix.. End result ' here's your Weetabix and apple juice' .. Oh my dinner your thinking.. Eatten also by my son who didn't want to eat of his plate because it was on the green Ikea plastic plate and not the blue plate?! 

3. The Expert Time Keeper.. Now this, this is what contractions feel like, please don't let anyone tell you any different - it is EXACTLY THAT. You will be counting seconds and minutes every day of your life, hours?! 'WHAT ARE THOSE' 

4. An Impeccable Liar or as I like to call it Mummy Magic.. Yes gone are the days of slightly over exaggerating the smallest of things, Welcome the days of wait let me give you an example.
*ice-cream van music* and ACTION! "Mummy, Mummy Ice-Cream ICE CREAM YEAHHHHHH can we get an ice-cream, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Pause. Now at this point im thinking Okay, until I see that its the ice-cream van I dont really like- hygiene & prices are  why of this guys radar like WAY OFF lol, think dirty hands, sweaty smells and triple the price- sorry £3.50 for a Mr Whippey and an extra 25p for a flake- im sorry but that would put anyone off.  So Press Play and action *Mummy voice* Ohh Nooo its the Red ice cream Van, lets wait for the nice ice-cream Van and there you have it " the other ice cream van"there isn't one. Wait now I'm lying there is another Ice-Cream Van only he rarely RARELY comes round. So with that said ta-dah.

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